*grumble*

Has anyone else got that "not given the chance" feeling from a situation whether it was from work/school/love/friends..etc. How much does that suck really? Knowing despite all your skills/abilities/feelings/thoughts etc. That nothing will happen because you are never given the chance to prove otherwise. I think it is mostly because of their ability to either to: not trust/accept your idea/try it out/allow it to happen/or even take a chance. Why can not other people just take a chance? How do they be so against something but pretend to want it to your face? Does this mean they are fake? No I believe their feelings get in the way. Does this apply to me? Maybe, everyone is not perfect. Does this apply to everyone else? Maybe again, everyone is not perfect. But, my question is why not give it a chance? Hell it might turn out to be one of those good ideas where everything ends up going right. Hell the feelings might even turn into happiness/joy/self accomplishment. God, life is full of risks. So why are people not giving that chance away? oh ... oh wait that is right. I am an idiot. I just hope I have a better day today.

Side note: I got Three people who think I am depressed. My message to you: thanks for the advice but I am not. Your several months late. Also I am not suicidal, again your 2 years late on that. I know what I have to live for.

What I need to start doing in my life:
1. putting my needs first before my friends for, because I am slipping into personal disrepair again.
2. The age old 'love' thing, while being single is great, I would rather be loved than not. Plus when someone loves you back is a real treat! :P
3. I need to eat more, I admit I am skipping too many meals.
4. Organize my funds geared more towards me and not on others.
5. Start cooking for myself
6. get my mind more into school work
7. get a tattoo
8. Stop bugging my journalist friend ;) I think she is getting annoyed with me or something, plus I need to give her space to find love and a new place(although i did offer to help her!)
9. Stand up for myself. I get walked over a lot because I allow it. It is the nature of my laid back, calm, cold and collective self. I am getting tired of being pushed back in life.
10. Clean my room and organize it better.
11. Stop analyzing things people say or do, and be more open and up front with people and admit what I am thinking or feeling right away.