My Personal Story Part 3
My personal story part 3
It seems sometimes I jump around in my life, but sometimes it is necessary. We remember how our lives were because we want to. It is strange how much our lives change in but days of each other. There is this man in my mother’s life. He is a decent man that is still with her today. My personal thoughts on him are kind of on the fence, but he is a good man to my mother. That to me is all that counts.
I first met him at about the age of 10 or 11. My mother was working for Rogers Cable at the time, and he was working for Rogers too… I think. I am not exactly sure and the meeting between him and my mother was never explained. Nor have I really asked.
He took my mother and me to a fast food restaurant. I vividly remember me trying to open up a ketchup packet and spraying it all over his dress shirt. But regardless of my blunder in ruining his shirt, he accepted my mother, and therefore accepted me.
I am not sure if I was baggage on the side for him or not. But, I guess he tried to be a father to me. I was always a trouble maker, worth more than the situation allowed. He took me to the baseball games, the wrestling matches, played video games with me and did those fatherly things that were really never there in my life.
But as I grew older I continued to cause trouble and mischief and I began to realize that he was not my father. I think the years of being ‘alone’ really messed with my head. I was constantly picked on in public school because I was not like everyone else, and I guess my aggressive side showed at a young age.
One day at public school in Scarborough this kid pushed me against the wall before class and sprayed me with this stuff in a can. He smelt the air around me and shouted out that I smelt like shit. Another time this kid stabbed me with a dirty pin in the back for no real reason.
It was a messed up school like I had, and it did not help I was walking alone to and from school everyday. Every time I hear Nothing to Loose, by Billy Talent I think of my childhood, because I could have been compared to the lonely person.
After graduating from grade four my mother moved in with him and we all moved to Pickering.
Pickering is a city directly east of Toronto. I really did not want to move, but who really has a choice in that matter. A few years down the road I would meet my best friend, one to this day I would continue to talk to.
I will admit that I had trouble adjusting to Alan, he adopted me and my real father did not show up at the court. Was I bitter? I think I have already answered that. When you have cried for most of your life there comes a time when you can not cry no more. There is a time you say to yourself, you will never cry in pain again. But this is a lesson I learn many years later.
Through the course of the time I was at EB Phin:
I broke someone’s finger.
I brought an air pistol to school.
I took money and snuck of the school property to buy candy.
Mischief and my life went together like chocolate to nuts.
I spent so much time grounded and in my room that I have gotten used to it. Sometimes I am afraid to leave my room. I am not sure what the psychological results from my childhood have done to my life. But there will be times that I won’t leave my room for anything. Then there will be moments where I have to leave.
My parents tried to get me to be social, and they joined me up for baseball. My mother could not afford Hockey. Actually my parents could not afford much in my life: we were a below middleclass family. But, they had always provided for me.
Out of all the crap I have done at school there is one difference that sets me out from my younger brother: I have never been suspended from school.
My mother when I was younger was also an active volunteer and user of Kinark child and family services. I have been in and out of shrinks a good part of my younger years. Mostly because my second father really screwed me up, and the fact I developed many emotional problems. I really hated going, I never really understand at the time. I really did not want their help. I know I was too young to appreciate it all.
I have almost also drowned twice growing up.
The first time was in the winter, and in the rouge valley that is along Toronto and Pickering’s border. Me and my ‘friends’ were walking across a frozen river (we were all tied to each other for safety) and one fell in. It took us all to get him out of the ice.
The second time was in Lake Huron on one of my step fathers camping trips. I fell asleep on a water raft and ended out very far from the beach. As I awoke I panicked and fell into the water (I could not swim). I know that day really messed with me. I feel uncomfortable in large bodies of water or in any water which has no “security” to it.
My life has been a roller coaster ride, and honestly I do not know how I made it out of public school. School has always been the worst thing in my life, because I never fit in with any of the groups growing up. My teenage years were probably the best and worst of it. But that is a story for another time.
It seems sometimes I jump around in my life, but sometimes it is necessary. We remember how our lives were because we want to. It is strange how much our lives change in but days of each other. There is this man in my mother’s life. He is a decent man that is still with her today. My personal thoughts on him are kind of on the fence, but he is a good man to my mother. That to me is all that counts.
I first met him at about the age of 10 or 11. My mother was working for Rogers Cable at the time, and he was working for Rogers too… I think. I am not exactly sure and the meeting between him and my mother was never explained. Nor have I really asked.
He took my mother and me to a fast food restaurant. I vividly remember me trying to open up a ketchup packet and spraying it all over his dress shirt. But regardless of my blunder in ruining his shirt, he accepted my mother, and therefore accepted me.
I am not sure if I was baggage on the side for him or not. But, I guess he tried to be a father to me. I was always a trouble maker, worth more than the situation allowed. He took me to the baseball games, the wrestling matches, played video games with me and did those fatherly things that were really never there in my life.
But as I grew older I continued to cause trouble and mischief and I began to realize that he was not my father. I think the years of being ‘alone’ really messed with my head. I was constantly picked on in public school because I was not like everyone else, and I guess my aggressive side showed at a young age.
One day at public school in Scarborough this kid pushed me against the wall before class and sprayed me with this stuff in a can. He smelt the air around me and shouted out that I smelt like shit. Another time this kid stabbed me with a dirty pin in the back for no real reason.
It was a messed up school like I had, and it did not help I was walking alone to and from school everyday. Every time I hear Nothing to Loose, by Billy Talent I think of my childhood, because I could have been compared to the lonely person.
After graduating from grade four my mother moved in with him and we all moved to Pickering.
Pickering is a city directly east of Toronto. I really did not want to move, but who really has a choice in that matter. A few years down the road I would meet my best friend, one to this day I would continue to talk to.
I will admit that I had trouble adjusting to Alan, he adopted me and my real father did not show up at the court. Was I bitter? I think I have already answered that. When you have cried for most of your life there comes a time when you can not cry no more. There is a time you say to yourself, you will never cry in pain again. But this is a lesson I learn many years later.
Through the course of the time I was at EB Phin:
I broke someone’s finger.
I brought an air pistol to school.
I took money and snuck of the school property to buy candy.
Mischief and my life went together like chocolate to nuts.
I spent so much time grounded and in my room that I have gotten used to it. Sometimes I am afraid to leave my room. I am not sure what the psychological results from my childhood have done to my life. But there will be times that I won’t leave my room for anything. Then there will be moments where I have to leave.
My parents tried to get me to be social, and they joined me up for baseball. My mother could not afford Hockey. Actually my parents could not afford much in my life: we were a below middleclass family. But, they had always provided for me.
Out of all the crap I have done at school there is one difference that sets me out from my younger brother: I have never been suspended from school.
My mother when I was younger was also an active volunteer and user of Kinark child and family services. I have been in and out of shrinks a good part of my younger years. Mostly because my second father really screwed me up, and the fact I developed many emotional problems. I really hated going, I never really understand at the time. I really did not want their help. I know I was too young to appreciate it all.
I have almost also drowned twice growing up.
The first time was in the winter, and in the rouge valley that is along Toronto and Pickering’s border. Me and my ‘friends’ were walking across a frozen river (we were all tied to each other for safety) and one fell in. It took us all to get him out of the ice.
The second time was in Lake Huron on one of my step fathers camping trips. I fell asleep on a water raft and ended out very far from the beach. As I awoke I panicked and fell into the water (I could not swim). I know that day really messed with me. I feel uncomfortable in large bodies of water or in any water which has no “security” to it.
My life has been a roller coaster ride, and honestly I do not know how I made it out of public school. School has always been the worst thing in my life, because I never fit in with any of the groups growing up. My teenage years were probably the best and worst of it. But that is a story for another time.
posted by Michael Darling at Friday, October 28, 2005
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