My Personal Story Part 4
Virginity, Innocence and Youth.
These are the things most people generally loose when high school comes around. I was no different; in fact I probably was one of the first people to loose them of the people I knew. By the age of 18 I had already been to court at least five times, and I had been in jail. I was banned from the mall a few times, but since I have generally been a person who did not attract attention to himself too much I continued to go. The exact total of stolen merchandise is really not feasible for me to figure out.
Who actually enjoys their teenage years? Well I would assume many people, but for me I kind of hated it. My current step father formed his own business when I was in public school. Unaware to the rest of his family, he was embezzling thousands and thousands of dollars from the government so he could make pure profit in his mail service. We were not really poor at that time; I would consider us well off. But that was only because it was pure profit my step father was making from that arm of his business.
The exact time line of what happened during my teenage years is cloudy. My little brother was born when I was about 13 or so. It is funny how this fate was or is. Because at one moment we were fine; I was annoyed because another person moved into my life, and on top of my many cleaning duties, I had to take care of him.
I lost my youth first.
In my lifetime I have come to realize that you can not run from the law if you do certain things. Sometimes they will ignore you and let shit fly by. But, there is some things that make them bust you in an instant. Taking their money is one of them.
My step father was taken away to jail, and over the course of a trial found guilty and was sentenced to jail time. We also moved into low income government funded housing at the other end of town. I was in grade 10 about this time, and my mother just had another baby. We were not making any money; I was going to school, someone was babysitting during the day, and my mother was working full time for crappy wages. When I got home it was my responsibility to clean the house, feed the kids, and take care of them. I think my dislike of my little brother came into this. He had always been a rebellious person and always giving me a hard time.
During those years I lost my virginity. What made it strange though was the fact that it was a black girl who I lost my virginity to. Yes I know I am not a racist person, but my preference is mostly girls who like rock music. I do not know why.
So in the chaos that was my life, I ran into the law. The first two times I guess it was new and I really didn’t use my head. But they were possession charges. The next two times it was more precise and organized because I used my head. And in fact I got away with it many times. My mother was disappointed in my actions to say the least. She could not deal with me while my step father was going through his crap.
I finally snapped. You might say right now, “Well the way you’re saying it; it does not seem so tough”. But it was, because I had the pressures of not fitting in at high school, raising two children, being a man of the house and struggling to find who I was and recover from the shitty past I had. I had to listen to my mother’s bitching. Finally I just screamed I did not want to do that shit anymore.
My step father during this time could not handle jail. He was moved to open custody at a half way house and worked to help support the family. We did not see him, until he was moved to the house.
I rebelled and said fuck it. That is when my life really started. I became “popular” with my friends and always was hanging out with them, and staying out all hours of the night. I was around 17 at this point. My step father had these air pistols and rifles and one day a few friends and I decided to shoot them at each other. I must say it was fun; we shot the sliding glass window and the inside of the garage door. We blamed it on a neighbour and well he was sent away because of it. But he was not totally innocent so guilt really never hit me.
This would have been all good, but for the simple fact that we did it again. This time it was different. We shot at other people and “we” shot my neighbour in the neck. He was not hurt but the police came. I was arrested and my mother let them take me away. I spent a few days in jail, well a bit more than a few days. I probably would have stayed there if it wasn’t for my step father pushing my mother to take me back home. I forget how long exactly I was in there for.
Eventually I was released. I did not clue in though to the seriousness of the situation. I knew my charges though at this point. I love how the justice system just adds random charges when they feel like it.
Assault with a Fire Arm
Miss use of a fire Arm
Point of a fire arm
Causing bodily harm
Possession of a fire arm
(There might have been another one.)
With my youth court appearance by the time this was up for sentencing I knew I was not going to get away with it. The previous times I was let off with a warning, and also paid a fine. One time I also had to write an essay on why it was wrong.
Also with all my court dates I was seriously beginning to fall back in high school. My school year was a write off and I was able to push my sentencing days back until the summer. I was barely able to pass my courses but I did, and that summer I was sent to jail.
You do not really comprehend how your life is going until you are sent to jail and confined in a small space. Even in jail I did not fit, and many of the other inmates noted to me that I was just not the type to be there. But, of course I was not liked by all the inmates. One had a thing against me, you always meet an asshole. But, I kept to myself and kept my mouth shut. It is the best way to get through jail.
I learned to appreciate dominos while in jail and learned also to appreciate life. My parents visited me a few times. My sentence was to be during the summer only, because I did time served when I was arrested and I had been under house arrest for the time after that. I spent a month and a half of my life in closed custody at Brookside.
My Innocence was long lost here.
I was shipped back to Pickering to a half way house. It was by the nuclear power plant. It had a large property far from the community. There was a punching bag in the backyard that I would use often. I shared my room with another inmate who I knew from back when I did time served. I did not like him though. Life was different there. It was freedom but was not. It certainly was much better than jail, and I would never eat as well as I did then. The government made sure I was healthy. I was in two fights at the half way house. One was with this mouthy kid who threatened me beat him and he kicked in a window. And the second one was this Chinese youth who tried to hurt me but I pinned him to the wall and threatened him.
Because of my actions I lost my early release option. I was supposed to be release on my 18th birthday but I ended up having to stay the extra two weeks. It was really strange in jail, it is hard to explain. You really have to be there. There are people who get hurt and people who make it through. There are people who go right back and there are people who never go back.
Will I go back? No, I do not plan on it.
When I finally because truly free in my own mind; I stopped and took a look at my life. I was over 18 and I was heading into OAC. I knew that was not the life for me. My life was definitely different. My attitude and my outlook changed. My friends noticed this and Marzden commented I was not the same person. I truly was not. I was also stronger. Nor more would I be that weakling. I was colder and I was more mature. I did not run around like am immature idiot. I was 18 and I just got out of jail. I was heading into OAC. My first real girlfriend would come, and my first real job. I was definitely a different person. Whether this was a good thing or not, was yet to be decided nor will it be told today, because that is a different story all together.
These are the things most people generally loose when high school comes around. I was no different; in fact I probably was one of the first people to loose them of the people I knew. By the age of 18 I had already been to court at least five times, and I had been in jail. I was banned from the mall a few times, but since I have generally been a person who did not attract attention to himself too much I continued to go. The exact total of stolen merchandise is really not feasible for me to figure out.
Who actually enjoys their teenage years? Well I would assume many people, but for me I kind of hated it. My current step father formed his own business when I was in public school. Unaware to the rest of his family, he was embezzling thousands and thousands of dollars from the government so he could make pure profit in his mail service. We were not really poor at that time; I would consider us well off. But that was only because it was pure profit my step father was making from that arm of his business.
The exact time line of what happened during my teenage years is cloudy. My little brother was born when I was about 13 or so. It is funny how this fate was or is. Because at one moment we were fine; I was annoyed because another person moved into my life, and on top of my many cleaning duties, I had to take care of him.
I lost my youth first.
In my lifetime I have come to realize that you can not run from the law if you do certain things. Sometimes they will ignore you and let shit fly by. But, there is some things that make them bust you in an instant. Taking their money is one of them.
My step father was taken away to jail, and over the course of a trial found guilty and was sentenced to jail time. We also moved into low income government funded housing at the other end of town. I was in grade 10 about this time, and my mother just had another baby. We were not making any money; I was going to school, someone was babysitting during the day, and my mother was working full time for crappy wages. When I got home it was my responsibility to clean the house, feed the kids, and take care of them. I think my dislike of my little brother came into this. He had always been a rebellious person and always giving me a hard time.
During those years I lost my virginity. What made it strange though was the fact that it was a black girl who I lost my virginity to. Yes I know I am not a racist person, but my preference is mostly girls who like rock music. I do not know why.
So in the chaos that was my life, I ran into the law. The first two times I guess it was new and I really didn’t use my head. But they were possession charges. The next two times it was more precise and organized because I used my head. And in fact I got away with it many times. My mother was disappointed in my actions to say the least. She could not deal with me while my step father was going through his crap.
I finally snapped. You might say right now, “Well the way you’re saying it; it does not seem so tough”. But it was, because I had the pressures of not fitting in at high school, raising two children, being a man of the house and struggling to find who I was and recover from the shitty past I had. I had to listen to my mother’s bitching. Finally I just screamed I did not want to do that shit anymore.
My step father during this time could not handle jail. He was moved to open custody at a half way house and worked to help support the family. We did not see him, until he was moved to the house.
I rebelled and said fuck it. That is when my life really started. I became “popular” with my friends and always was hanging out with them, and staying out all hours of the night. I was around 17 at this point. My step father had these air pistols and rifles and one day a few friends and I decided to shoot them at each other. I must say it was fun; we shot the sliding glass window and the inside of the garage door. We blamed it on a neighbour and well he was sent away because of it. But he was not totally innocent so guilt really never hit me.
This would have been all good, but for the simple fact that we did it again. This time it was different. We shot at other people and “we” shot my neighbour in the neck. He was not hurt but the police came. I was arrested and my mother let them take me away. I spent a few days in jail, well a bit more than a few days. I probably would have stayed there if it wasn’t for my step father pushing my mother to take me back home. I forget how long exactly I was in there for.
Eventually I was released. I did not clue in though to the seriousness of the situation. I knew my charges though at this point. I love how the justice system just adds random charges when they feel like it.
Assault with a Fire Arm
Miss use of a fire Arm
Point of a fire arm
Causing bodily harm
Possession of a fire arm
(There might have been another one.)
With my youth court appearance by the time this was up for sentencing I knew I was not going to get away with it. The previous times I was let off with a warning, and also paid a fine. One time I also had to write an essay on why it was wrong.
Also with all my court dates I was seriously beginning to fall back in high school. My school year was a write off and I was able to push my sentencing days back until the summer. I was barely able to pass my courses but I did, and that summer I was sent to jail.
You do not really comprehend how your life is going until you are sent to jail and confined in a small space. Even in jail I did not fit, and many of the other inmates noted to me that I was just not the type to be there. But, of course I was not liked by all the inmates. One had a thing against me, you always meet an asshole. But, I kept to myself and kept my mouth shut. It is the best way to get through jail.
I learned to appreciate dominos while in jail and learned also to appreciate life. My parents visited me a few times. My sentence was to be during the summer only, because I did time served when I was arrested and I had been under house arrest for the time after that. I spent a month and a half of my life in closed custody at Brookside.
My Innocence was long lost here.
I was shipped back to Pickering to a half way house. It was by the nuclear power plant. It had a large property far from the community. There was a punching bag in the backyard that I would use often. I shared my room with another inmate who I knew from back when I did time served. I did not like him though. Life was different there. It was freedom but was not. It certainly was much better than jail, and I would never eat as well as I did then. The government made sure I was healthy. I was in two fights at the half way house. One was with this mouthy kid who threatened me beat him and he kicked in a window. And the second one was this Chinese youth who tried to hurt me but I pinned him to the wall and threatened him.
Because of my actions I lost my early release option. I was supposed to be release on my 18th birthday but I ended up having to stay the extra two weeks. It was really strange in jail, it is hard to explain. You really have to be there. There are people who get hurt and people who make it through. There are people who go right back and there are people who never go back.
Will I go back? No, I do not plan on it.
When I finally because truly free in my own mind; I stopped and took a look at my life. I was over 18 and I was heading into OAC. I knew that was not the life for me. My life was definitely different. My attitude and my outlook changed. My friends noticed this and Marzden commented I was not the same person. I truly was not. I was also stronger. Nor more would I be that weakling. I was colder and I was more mature. I did not run around like am immature idiot. I was 18 and I just got out of jail. I was heading into OAC. My first real girlfriend would come, and my first real job. I was definitely a different person. Whether this was a good thing or not, was yet to be decided nor will it be told today, because that is a different story all together.
posted by Michael Darling at Sunday, October 30, 2005
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